Friday, August 29, 2008

Because I should

I've been having an inner dialog with myself about how many things I do because I should. How many things do I do, especially for other people, when I'm hoping for some desired outcome? Those things are done with strings attached and certainly not without some motive. Those things become more about me than they do about the other person.

Now I don't think that I'm this bad person, but I do think it behooves me to occasionally check my motives. I'm going through some inner turmoil with my feelings towards Sandy. The basics are this: I do want her to succeed at school. I want to be supportive of her efforts. In the past I have done things for her and ended up feeling very unappreciated. My initial instinct was to give her a large cash going away gift to go with her Dad's gift. I decided against that. My next impulse was to start with the care packages. Her response to those in the past has been either a non-response or "I don't like (fill in the blank)".

In this situation, I'm looking for the fine line. The boundary that allows me to be supportive of her efforts, but doesn't leave me feeling resentful towards her. I know that I have to work on my part of that, but no need to add fuel to the fire when I'm trying to put it out.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be true to yourself.

-Roxie

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A little to the left. Ahhhhh

Went to restorative yoga. Feel restored.

Strength training. Down 9.5, 10.5 to go. Ad nauseum.

Went to strength training class and I can still lift my arms today! Actually, it felt good to do a bit of iron work. Followed it up with a water aerobics class after work to sort of work out the tension and the kinks. Was tired at the end of the day, but in that very good way.

Unfortunately, didn't sleep as well as I'd hoped, but enough to get by.

I'm looking forward to the three day weekend, but I'm not looking forward to caulking, taping, priming and painting the car pavillion. But if I want a yogaspace, it's what got to be done. Also, we need to get the vegetable beds relocated if we are going to have a fall/winter garden. Oh well, looks like we might be late getting stuff in again!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Lift.

-Roxie

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Weight stalled

Actually not stalled, just bouncing around the same pound and a half.

Down 8, 11 to go. So frustrating. Today it's back to some weigh training. I'm stopping the prescribed training for run school. I just don't think it's enough for me. I will still go to the meetings - especially now that we are going to different places to run, but I'll go back to getting more calorie burn. And I do believe I've been sorely lacking in the whole weight training thing for a while. New exercises classes began this week, so it's time to get back into the groove.

I know that I'm doing the right stuff and I'm eating right, I just need to keep on. I don't think my goal of reaching my goal weight by October will happen, however. Oh well, I do feel better and my clothes are fitting better.

I did go out and buy some new running shoes last night. Boy those suckers are ugly. And I don't know how it happened, but my last pair of running shoes were too small. No wonder my toenails stayed black all the time. I guess I wasn't paying attention to the information that the running store kept on me, but something got off track somewhere. Actually, I bought Pebbles some running shoes there and I think they substituted her info for mine and I just wasn't looking.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Do the good stuff.

-Roxie

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Off to the gym

to burn some calories. May there be no Tollhouse in my immediate future.

Ambushed in the Gym

I've been forgetting to weigh. Probably something Freudian about that, but it really isn't a conscious choice.

Just when I thought it was safe to go to the gym. As I approach the noon hour, I'm always vaguely hungry. Hell, most of my life is spent being vaguely hungry, but I don't like to exercise with anything on my stomach as it pretty much makes me feel like I've consumed pure lead. So I go to the gym hungry every day at lunch.

Yesterday was the very first day of school and a merchant fair was being held in the atrium area of the gym. There were tables set up all over with various vendors hawking their wares and tempting passers-by with HUGE chocolate chip cookies, bags of chips, candy bars, cheesecake bits and other things that would immediately cleave unto my ass, never to let go. I had to run this gauntlet FOUR times before leaving the gym. To and from the lockerroom and to and from the aerobic area. Luckily for me, I did pick up a coupon for a 15% discount from my favorite running shoe store. It's time for a new pair of running shoes. I did manage to pass up all the goodies. Talk about a fox in the henhouse. Geez.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Beware of baked goods laying in wait.

-Roxie

Monday, August 25, 2008

A Vision of You

Bick and I spent a good deal of Saturday on the front porch, talking. Recently we have let our life get in the way of living. We sort of reclaimed a bit of it on Saturday.

A portion of the talk began with a woman that I had seen at the concert/fair the night before - a woman that pretty much embodied the woman that I would like to be in the future. I would guess that she was about 5-10 years older than me and was just so damned comfortable in her own skin. She was there, seemingly by herself, listening and enjoying the music. She was lithe, appeard strong and fit, wore no make-up, wore a cute skirt and strappy camisole and had grey hair which she had tucked up under this great straw hat. She was both a strong presence and a serenity about her. I almost struck up a conversation, but was there with Bick, Pebbles and Guy, so I did not.

So we talked about our visions for ourself in the future. I want to be that woman and I think my current goals will help me get there. I believe that having this identifiable vision makes the question of "Is what I'm doing today getting me to where I want to go?" all the much easier to act upon.

I want to strengthen my yoga and mediation practice both for the bendy and for the whole inner peace thing.

I want to improve my health and fitness, physical and emotional.

I want to improve my financial position by first paying off the remainder of all debt and then increasing my liquidity.

I want to find and do things that appeal to me, regardless of whether they appeal to other loved ones.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Develop a strategic vision.

-Roxie

Not so bad.

Friday night turned out to be pretty fun. It wasn't too hot and the band was good. What was better was the band that followed (at 11pm!). We stayed to listen to a few songs from 2tons. Great rockabilly band. Amazing show. All in all, it was okay.

On Sunday, we finally FINALLY finished the trim work on the pavillion. Just leaves the paint prep and the actual painting. Our plan is to have it completed by the end of the Labor Day weekend. That will leave us exactly a month to complete my yoga/meditation room/sacred space/room of my own/whatever the current term is. I'm still very excited and looking forward to it.

Bick expressed some interest in experiencing meditation, so perhaps we'll both have cause to use the room. Who knows.

Went to run school on Saturday. Had a bad attitude and hated every second of it. Finally had to give myself a good talking to as the only person my bad attitude was hurting was me.

Took Sadie for a walk on Sunday morning and then logged some time on the treadmill at the Jesus gym in the afternoon. Eating has been okay, but not great. Ate more than I should have yesterday. Oh well.

The car pavillion provides some shade to my basil plants in the hot afternoons, so the basil has hung on longer than expected. I froze 7 more half pints of pesto this weekend. My old Cuisinart bowl is about on it's last legs. I bought a replacement off of Ebay a while back, but it doesn't fit my old machine and the hateful bitch from whom I bought it wouldn't allow me to exchange it. Guess I'll have to make another stab at it.

Home laptop died.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Give yourself an attitude adjustment.

-Roxie

Friday, August 22, 2008

It could be worse.

I could be having Pebbles' day.

She had to fly to Tulsa, drive to Bartlesville to tell the landscape contractor to dig up and replant 15 trees that they put in the wrong place. Oh, and they needed to move the underground irrigation as well.

She and Guy are planning to join us at the music venue tonight. That brightens me up considerably! I need to buy that baby a funnel cake.

Up a half pound.

Long day today. Not enough sleep. Destined to consume too much salt.

No exercise today as I've got a command performance luncheon today followed by a trip this evening to the county fair to hear R***less Kelly. I so do not want to go at this point, but perhaps I'll get a second wind by the end of the day. I want to go to the fair, I just don't want to wait round until well past my bedtime to hear the band.

Run school tomorrow and some work on the car pavillion.

I need a vacation.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep doing the right things.

-Roxie

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Doing the Sodium Samba

Up a pound.

Had dinner last night at a place of Sandy's choosing. I thought it was going to be a sushi place, turned out to be a hibachi grill place. I was so salty that I ate just a little bit, but it was enough sodium to bounce me up a pound even though calories were below my target.

Long day today at work. Back to back to back meetings. I'm going to try to get to the gym for some form of exercise. Tomorrow should end the crazy week and I can get back on some sort of schedule again. We are supposed to go to the county fair on Friday night, but the truth is that I don't want to go. We'll see how I feel about that on Friday.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Cut back on the salt.

-Roxie

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

10.5 down, 9.5 to go

Well, that was a two week warp in the space time continuum while my body decided to do who-the-hell-knows-what.

There will be no exercise today as I won't get a lunch break and I'll have to whip and spur to get home in time to head to the county seat for sushi with Sandy and her newly invited guest, Pebbles. Plus Bick, of course.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Gym Dandy

Went to the gym and did 40 plus minutes on the elliptical working on getting my calves stretched out.

Down 10, 10 to go: Navel Gazing

Dropped 1.5

Down 10, 10 to go. Calves are doing better, but still ouchy. I think Jill is right, so I'll try to work them out today at lunch.

Spent some time last night thinking about Sandy and my feelings about/toward her. After writing about it for a bit, I came to some pretty uncomfortable conclusions. The negative feelings that I have for her are my own, internal. They do not stem from some protective feeling I have towards Bick. In some cases I guess I view their relationship as reaping what you sow. A very judgmental thought, I might add. But pretty much all my thoughts about Sandy are judgmental. Where the hell do I get off determining what she "deserves" or what she doesn't? I do find that I somehow bringing Pebbles into this equation - that Pebbles would deserve some opportunity like this, while Sandy does not? Somehow I seem to think that this is better than what Pebbles got. And probably most telling, better than what I got.

So most of what and how I feel about Sandy and this education deal is based in jealousy. There was a certain release to getting to the bottom of what I was feeling - to remove the shenpa. I'm still left with the knowledge of what emotions can live undisturbed in the corners of my life.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get Real.

-Roxie

Monday, August 18, 2008

Course Corrections and a Mixed Bag

Back up that half pound. Grr.

Other corrections:

The girl did finish the mile at run school on Saturday. She just cut through the building after finishing and that's why I didn't see it. Our instructor posted our times on the gym's website and I saw that she did finish. I also saw that I had misheard the time I was given at the end of the run. My pace is right at what it was when I ran the 5 miler in 2006 and far ahead of what it was when I ran my first 5K in March of 2006. I don't know that I could keep up that pace for 5 miles, but it really felt like my normal pace, so perhaps I could.

Other things I'm choosing to be happy about. Okay, so I weigh the same thing that I did in November of 2005, but the weight is certainly distributed differently as I am at least one, if not two sizes smaller than I was then.

Things I'm not quite so happy about: I can hardly walk. Run school encouraged us to run in a more on-the-balls-of-your-foot, instead of my usual slap, slap, slap foot fall and my calves are so freaking sore I nearly scream with every step I take. I'm popping Aleve like theys chicklets, had Bick give me a rubdown and he cut an icy hot back bandage in half and put each half on a calf and I slept in those last night. I don't feel that much better today. So again, after Run School, I'll be starting the week in the hole on homework. Given that this is such a crazy week at work, don't know that I'll get much homework in anyway. Orientations happening.

And speaking of Orienations. Sandy sent her Dad an email on Saturday morning informing him that she is going to school in Chicago and will be leaving next Sunday. I don't know how she managed to talk her way into this, but she did it. I don't think she's shown near enough honesty, integrity, and determination for this, but it's her Mom's name on the parental loan forms not mine, so it's not my pig.

She came over last night and Bick wished her well. We are taking her out to dinner on Wednesday and she'll be off on Sunday. There will be just one more opportunity for major conflict as Bick wants her car out of his name, so he, the ex and Sandy will have to take care of that sometime this week.

And he's unsure about what he will do tuition wise. This school is very, very expensive and will require, by my estimation, a full six years to get through, at 37K per academic year. We estimate her student loan debt load to be into the 6 figures before it's all said and done. I told him that he doesn't have to decide what he will do right now . His offer to take care of tuition/expenses stood for a local school. My thought is that he can contribute the same amount directly to her student loans. She's made the decision to go to a school that she, nor her family can afford. The sense of entitlement here astounds me. But, as always, I need to remembed that this isn't my pig.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Life is a mixed bag.

-Roxie

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Run School

Went to run school this morning. Did drills, watched film and ran a timed mile. I finished first only because the young woman ahead of me lost count of how many laps she was supposed to do and she didn't finish. My time sucked. I'm slower than I was when I ran my first 5k in March of 2006. It's really sad to see how far down how fast one can go.

Dropped half a pound. Still up for the week. Back still hurts. Still feel bloaty and crappy.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Cops: The update

Alan's older brother called Mom today to apologize and to attempt to facilitate the removal of Alan's property from ours. Here's hoping he has some leverage.

The current tennants appear to be satisfied with securing a restraining order barring him from the property/them.

I won't say crisis averted because it's not all said and done.

Stop this ride. I want to get off.

This is mostly just a place holder so that I will know the dates when all this shit started hitting the fan.

We have a family friend that we've known for exactly 37 years. I know this because my Mom and I met him the morning my Dad was killed. He was 18 years old when we all met. The anniversary of those events was yesterday. I'll call the family friend Alan - I don't know that I've ever referred to him here before. Anyway, when I was a kid, he usually kept his horse(s) at our house and we hit the horse show circuit together. We hauled and competed through my junior year of high school Every few months he and my Mom would get in a big row and BIG DRAMA would ensue. They would remain estranged for a few months and then soon, be BFF. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Alan had a horrific childhood - one that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Really, horrific doesn't do it justice and as an adult, he developed a series of addition/identity issues.

As Alan grew older, the periods of estrangement grew longer and the "breakups" - although this was not a romantic relationship, as Alan appears to be gay, well, the breakups got uglier and uglier over the years. I've only heard Mom's side of the story, but I know what fights with her can be like. There's no excuse for some of the things she said he said, but god only knows what she said as well - I HAVE been on the receiving end of a few of those myself. The last estrangement lasted nearly ten years, I think. Oh, we'd hear about Alan because we still know several of his friends/relatives and he still lives in the same place in WA, but none of us had had any contact with him for years - until just a few months ago. Mom got a request from one of Alan's relatives - said Alan was asking for her phone number and that he wanted to make amends and was it okay to give him the number. He'd been clean and sober for three years. Mom readily agreed and soon, phone calls were flying back and forth. BFF, indeed.

Soon Alan was asking to board his horses at our farm in WA. Mom called to ask me what I thought. I told her I thought it was a horrible idea and that given the history, it could only end badly. She, of course, launched into an attack on me, telling me that I knew nothing of foregiveness and friendship. That I didn't have any friends because I didn't know how to be one. That I have no sympathy for anyone below me, that I was arrogant, blah blah blah - the usual crap. I told her I didn't even know why she bothered to call and ask me what I thought if she didn't want to know. I reminded her that she NEEDED the money from the paying renters and that this could get messy.

The situation was fine with the tail end of our long term renters stay and then through the short-term renters stay, but it with the current renters, it got off to a rocky, rocky start. We saw Alan while we were in WA and it was evident to me that he was his same self. And Mom and I were there to witness it. I told Mom while we were in WA that this was going to end badly and that she needed to reiterate to Alan that she would not referee and the paying renter was going to win and he would have to move his horses.

Evidently there was the first blowup after I left to return to Texas, while they remained in WA. My sister was instructed not to tell me. Two days ago things went sky high. Mom did ask Alan to move his horses (and said god knows what else in the process). Long story short, she does have a voicemail recording of Alan threatening to kill her if she ever stepped foot in the county again. He told her he was going to kill the current tennants and would be burning the property to the ground today.

Obviously, the law was called in. The paying renters are moving. Can't say I blame them. And Mom is currently being threatened with a lawsuit, although I don't suspect that will actually happen, although Alan's mother does have the money to hire an attorney.

Sure glad I don't have friends like that.

Supermarket Meltdown

So what the hell am I supposed to eat?

I had a near meltdown this morning in Albertsons searching for something that I might eat for breakfast that won't cause me to blow up like a balloon or cause the scale to peg out. Honest to god, I couldn't think of or find anything to eat. I was standing there, hungry, in a grocery store, surrounded by food and too scared to buy the wrong damn thing to eat.

I ended up with strawberries and cottage cheese. It'll probably kill me.

Up another pound

This is almost funny. There are no cheats. There have been no nibbles here and there. I've logged everything and stayed well within range. So intellectually I know this isn't real. I just need to try to figure out what's going on and not let this derail me. It'll be like an adventure. Yea, that's it. An adventure. Shit.

Seriously, I've been poking around the new features of fitday and I'm liking some of the new nutritional info that's being displayed. And what it has showed me about my sodium intake is scary. It's been way over RDA - I do think some of their numbers are high, as I don't salt my food that much, but anytime you use anything prepared you can be sure that the numbers are sky high. So, that may be the first place I look, but my body's reaction these days isn't what I'm used to, for sure. I think there's something else up with the backache and bloaty feeling that is unearned, so I'll give it another week and if it persists, then I'm off to the doc to get it checked out.

And in the mean time, I'll just have to double my efforts to reduce my sodium intake, increase my clean protein and keep doing what I know is the right thing.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Do not be derailed.

-Roxie

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Did my homework

Did the 45 minute run at lunch. Was bored.

up 1.5 here at Frustration Station

Wasn't expecting that bounce up. Don't know where it came from, but I wish the hell it would go away. I know it's not real as my eating has been clean. Yesterday was a vegetarian day and perhaps my body does not respond to such things well. I guess it's back to an emphasis on lean proteins - it's what my body does best on. I KNOW I drank all my stupid water.

Today is a 45 minute run as my homework for run school. My back is still pretty ouchy, but if I warm up slowly I can get through a run with it.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep doing the right stuff.

-Roxie

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Work Crazy

Dropped the 2, down 10.5, 9.5 to go.

Work is spinning out of control. A billion things to do in the next couple of weeks. Causes me to tense up just to think about it! The good news is that at the end of two weeks, it will be over. The trick is to not get derailed by the oncoming train of stuff.

I've got another run today at lunch, another short one I think, longer one tomorrow and then a rest day on Friday.

Not alot of verve right now. Just putting on foot in front of the other and keeping my hands busy.

I'm spending some time each morning going through some guided meditations that I've found on youtube. Whoda thunkit? There's some pretty good stuff out there. I do much better with guided meditations than I do when attempting to practice on my own. I tend to wander off and let my mind get too far afield. So, for now, it's guided med for me.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep on keeping on.

-Roxie

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I did my homework

My homework for run school was to run for 1/2 hour, so I did that. I've taken the rest day(s), as prescribed by the run school regiment. The interesting thing I'm finding in my return to running is that while my cardio fitness is as good as it ever was, running requires bones, tendons, ligaments, etc to become used to the pounding and the dynamics of running. So I'm taking the rest days and taking it slow. It feels wrong, as I've been pretty good about logging lots of time on the elliptical almost daily and scaling back seems like slacking off. But I took it slow when I started running in the first place and I'm going to take it very slow as I restart the process. I don't want an injury.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Take it slow.

-Roxie

What's your struggle?

My thanks to Michele who asked me what my biggest struggle is these days in the whole get-your-butt-healthy thing. My response:

I'm struggling with watching the scale go up for reasons that have nothing to do with how much I've been eating. The good thing about tracking weight/food dilligently for over a month is that I saw this cycle happen about a month ago. Ding! Ding! Ding! Ladies and gentleman, we have a winner!

Since my cervical cancer/hysterectomy ten plus years ago, I don't give my "cyle" much thought other than to wonder what the hell my ovaries are up to these days. Well, if I look at my weight chart, about every 26 days or so, they decide to announce their presence with authority by messing with my weight and generally giving me low back pain and making me feel like a bloated cow in dire need of a trocar.

Oh Thank Heaven

I shopped for my breakfast at 7-eleven this morning. If you haven't been lately, they have real food there. I was able to jump in and get some cheese and apples for my breakfast. Much better than any Sonic option available to me. Of course, it would have been better if I hadn't added my last two eggs to our dinner salads last night. Eating from home is almost always the cheaper, healthier option if you are looking to eat what I call real food. But sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Finding good food choices away from home reminds me of my last trip through Sea-Tac airport where I came across this great place called Dish D'Lish. I was able to eat real food in an AIRPORT of all places. They offered some nicely seasoned (not overly salty) sliced, chicken breast ala carte. I was able to pick up a good, clean protein source without having to throw away whatever bread it came wrapped in. There were boiled eggs, cheese and a variety of fruits available, as well. Wonderful place. Wish there were more around.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Eat real, identifiable food.

-Roxie

Up another half

This sucks mightily. Food has been okay. Exercise nil. This is a separate happening from the actions I've been taking. I do need to drink more water, as that has been slacking since Friday. I'll make sure that I'm drinking enough water. And I'm supposed to go to Happy Hour with the MerryNewlywed tonight. That will take some advance planning.

Oh well.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Drink up.

-Roxie

Monday, August 11, 2008

Still ouchy.

This really isn't my run-of-the-mill back spasms. These are more lateral obliquey than lower back. How very strange.

Well, I won't be doing my running homework today. Another day of rest and then I'll pick up with the rest of the homework.

Sat in the sauna for a half hour at lunch. Stretched around a bit just to see how ouchy it is. No real sharp pains, so that's good.

Ouch!

Back spasms. Suddenly I'm head-bobbing lame.

Big Bounce

Up 1.5, down 9, 11 to go

Too much salt. I made a new recipe last night and it was almost inedible because of the salt in the rub. Plus the salt in the butt-builder sausage at the Home Depot yesterday. Oh well, I know it's just temporary as my body works to rehydrate itself after Saturday's parking lot run.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Drink you water. I mean it.

-Roxie

Sunday, August 10, 2008

In a pickle

I pickled some more okra today. Unfortunately, I can't actually find the recipe that I used the last time - the one that proved a bit too salty, so I'm starting from scratch again. My gut tells me this will be better, but we'll see. I still have a couple of jars left to "pop" and seal. I think I'll head off to the gym to get in a walk this afternoon.

I'm a bit sore from yesterday's running class. Part of it was due to running on concrete, I think. I try to avoid that as much as possible. Hopefully, if we do any longer runs, we'll go somewhere else.

I'm in another sort of pickle tonight after having lunch at the Home Depot. I ordered my usual sausage on a stick without thinking, as I don't normally count calories. Holy butt-builder, Batman. We were planning on having pork tenderloin medallions for dinner. I'll really have to ratchet down on dinner in order to stay on track for the day.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Keep a tight lid on things.

-Roxie

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Skipping School

I'm home from the running group meeting. I was the oldest person there. I was the slowest runner there. Oh well. Really, I don't care about that. We were broken down into runners and runners/walkers. I hung with the runner group, which was me and a couple of middle school girl gazelles. Seriously, it was lovely to see young women enjoying their fitness and athleticism. Sweet kids.

There were about four women whom I would guess were ten years my junior in the runner/walker group and they were quite nice. Our workout consisted of some rapid leg work - grapevines, skipping, side stepping, backwards running - all designed to improve our running dynamics. Then a 2.5 mile run. For me, it was too damn hot and too damned humid to be out on a parking lot running, but I did it. My recovery was way too slow, however. It took me too long to cool down and for my heartrate to return to good.

This is a 12 week program culminating in doing a 5k local run. I'm glad I went and I'll go back for more. I've got to look online to get my homework and exercise schedule. It will be something different, anyway.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Join a club.

-Roxie

Thanks for the fish

Down 10.5, 9.5 to go

Finally a fish dinner to be happy with! Bick called me at work to invite me to swing by and pick him up from home before going into the county seat to pick up my car. Wanted to take me out to dinner! Sweetheart that he is. So we headed into Hannah's, as was my choice. I knew that I would have a much tougher time dining Italiano. It's hard to pass up hand made ravioli. I figured I could get some sort of fish at Hannah's.

I made the safe choice, which was the salmon and it was very nice. Veg of the day was asparagus, so I was a happy, happy camper. My splurge (I had the calories for it) was to split an appetizer of bacon-wrapped dates. Heaven on a cute little square plate. I enjoyed and savored every morsel.

The new running group meets this morning and the very real possibility exists that I will be the oldest/slowest runner there. But I'm still a runner, right? And ten years ago, no one would have ever made me believe that was a possibility for me. So, I'll walk into a new place, meet a bunch of new people, expose them to my cellulite thighs (my running skirt is at the office gym) and just get on with it. Life's too short not to fill it with new experiences. I might possibly learn something or what I'm really hoping for, is someone to run with consistently. I've really grown tired of going it alone.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Re-invent your motivation.

-Roxie

Friday, August 8, 2008

10 down, 10 to go

I'm one pound away from "regaining" my one hundred pound weight loss. I was a lot more pleased with myself when I hit this weight three years ago. But as Beck says, Oh, well. It is what it is. Ten more pounds will put me comfortably in my size 8 clothes again. Hell, I'm wearing them now - they just aren't that comfortable!

Car is still not done. But at least they gave me a loaner. What a pain in the butt! So I've had no exercise for a couple of days and now I'm sort of in a quandry. My running group meets tomorrow for the first time and I'm assuming we will run. Having fresh legs wouldn't be a bad thing. I may just take it easy for one more day to see how I handle the run on Saturday morning. I am looking forward to having someone to run with. We'll see if that lights my fire.

Neighbor dropped by last night and brought us a cantaloupe out of his garden. It wasn't much bigger than a softball, but oh dear lord was it spectacular. I've never had fresh from the garden cantaloupe. I know what I'm going to try to grow next year!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Regain your focus.

-Roxie

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Mechanics and Ex-husbands

Today would have been my wedding anniversary with Bubba. Twenty plus years. In no way am I nostalgic for that relationship. He and I are both much happier these days. Only thought of it when I was changing the date/time stamp on my laptop. Battery problems with it, too. Took me a bit to remember why the date was important.

Mechanic just called (Bick's former next door neighbor) and he said the behavior sounds like an alternator, but since the flashing lights, radio and cd player going off, a/c shutting down aren't happening consistently, he can't be 100% positive. Damn car is like a kid when you take them to the doc - they are never sick like they are at home.

Anyways, I should be back on the road again tomorrow. In the meantime, I think I'll knock Bick's socks off and press his shirts! He won't know what the hell universe he just walked into when he comes home.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Iron out the wrinkles.

-Roxie

I'm grounded

My car is still not done. In fact, they haven't even looked at it. Tis a bit frustrating. Bick needed his truck today, so I'm pretty much stuck at home. I'll try to work, but I do not like a change in my routine. It's harder for me to get in my exercise, etc, eat right when I'm in ad hoc mode.

Well, actually that is just a damned excuse. I'll just have to make the time, do the plan and stick to it. But I am irritated that I'm grounded. If the car isn't done today, then it'll be an evening drive back to Reata South to dig Big Red out of mothballs and put her back on the road. I do not like being afoot.

I'll try to get out and walk the dog a bit this morning, while it's coolish and I'll figure out a way to sweat later on in the day. I need to remember that I"m the priority here, not my schedule.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Be number one in your own life.

-Roxie

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Mitzi on the Fritzi

Mitzi started misbehaving on the way to work yesterday but thankfully got me to work and then to the shop without stranding me on the side of the road. Especially important since I broken up with AAA after fourteen years because they provided me with a completely awful experience that DID leave me stranded.

So, I'm taking a work-from-home/part-vacation day today. I'll probably head over to the Jesus Gym this morning and get in a sweat. I went last night after getting home from the auto shop, as I'd made the decision to join some coworkers in a lunchtime water aerobics class that we sort of led ourselves. Which turned out to be paddling around the pool and talking for an hour. Not much in the way of exercise, but it sure was fun!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Find a good mechanic.

-Roxie

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Down 9.5, 10.5 to go

Wasn't expecting that.

I was thinking last night about how much my eating habits really have changed over the years. That's not to say that I don't fall into the eating crap trap now and again, but I was just surprised with myself as I was chopping up whatever vegetables were in the refridgerator/fresh from the garden. I used summer squash, spinach, onions, tomatoes, peppers, some leftover chickpeas, a few herbs and threw in a nibble of havarti that was about to go south. I put together a very light dressing - a little lemon juice, dijon and olive oil, and seasoned the whole thing up. It was yummy. I can't say that the younger me or the old me, whichever you prefer, would have considered a salad of raw, chopped vegetables to fit to eat, unless it was swimming in ranch.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Have a vegetable.

-Roxie

Monday, August 4, 2008

Running with the Devil

Just got an email from The Other Jesus gym. They are starting a running club/group beginning next Saturday morning with the goal of prepping for an upcoming community run. I'm going to do my best to join up with this group. The email said there would be three groups - non-runners, runners/walkers and runners. I'm in the runners group, but I hope, hope, hope there will be someone who is as slow as me. Even if I am, I guess I can live with it.

Went to the gym at lunch. Did the elliptical.

Been seeing a few things across the web on successfully removing some pounds and one of the ways to measure success was something that I did in July without really being aware of it. Rather than focus on the scale (which is my DOWNFALL), the focus becomes the number of days that you log food and get forced exercise. By setting goals using those parameters, the focus shifts (IMHO) from the arbitrary and frustrating nature of the scales to positive actions that one takes to improve their health. The number on the scale becomes a little less important. For what it's worth. Now we'll see how zen I can be when the scale bumps up again, as it will do, after yesterday's drop. Ha.

Take good care. Be kind to others. Refocus.

-Roxie

Recommendation: Pema Chodron

I just happened to pick up a couple of audiobooks (actually recordings from seminars/retreats) by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron. What an absolute delight!

Down 8.5, 11.5 to go

Well, I drove over to the other gym, which I'm now calling the Anti-Christ Gym and my access card wouldn't open the door. So, I didn't get the big calorie burn yesterday. I tried, but it just wasn't in the cards for me. Instead, I rented Charlie Wilson's War and watched it while awaiting Bick's return home from Houston. Loved the movie. P.S. Hoffman was magnificient.

I've been trying to get more fish in my diet, so went out to our once favorite fish place and had a very, very disappointing meal. I guess we need to find a new place to get a grilled fish when we don't want to cook it ourselves.

The heat is taking a toll on many of my plants and flowers. Looks like I'm going to lose some, darn it. Our okra is somehow becoming almost defoliated, which is odd. Makes finding the actual okra pod easier, but doesn't bode well for our future harvest. We want to pickle a few more pints, as we opened on of my earlier jars to see how things tasted. They were good, but just a pinch too salty, so we'd hoped to be able to adjust the formula and can about ten more pints.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Mind the heat.

-Roxie

Sunday, August 3, 2008

Well Duh

The Jesus Gym is so named because it shares space with a church, or more accurately, a space where people meet to worship. The structure itself, gym and church included is a big old metal building. I'm unsure of the relationship between the gym and the church - I don't know if the gym owner is also the pastor, a member or what. I do know that the gym pulled yoga from the roster of classes offered because the owner determine it was an alternate worship.

Because of this shared space, the Jesus Gym is closed from 4pm on Saturday until 1pm on Monday. I don't know why, really. I don't think that worship service is held on the treadmills. I don't believe the pulpit is a weight bench. But whatever. I've always bemoaned the fact that I had no place to get in a workout on Sunday morning if I wanted to do so. Except that the Jesus Gym HAS another location that's pretty close, relatively speaking. I've always known this, but it took me until this morning to realize that I could just go to the other location. Especially since exercising outside (expected high today is 107) is impossible.

I just need to think of another name for this gym, but I'm heading over there to burn 500 calories this morning.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Find an alternative.

-Roxie

Saturday, August 2, 2008

bolting basil laughing yoga

A close review of the basil trying to survive in this Texas heatwave led me to forgo the yoga and drum circle to make and freeze pesto instead. It's the one thing that actually pays me to do - the one way the garden really does pay off.

So, I've put up a year's supply of pesto and smell very herby.

I think I may take myself out for a nice fish dinner tonight.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Cook with herbs.

-Roxie

Weight loss for July

7 pounds. 13 to go.

I'm off to the Jesus Gym for a run this morning, then to a meeting to be followed later in the day by the whole drum circle/laughing yoga thing. If I don't chicken out.

I'd like to get a mani/pedi, but I don't think my schedule will allow it.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't be discouraged.

-Roxie

Friday, August 1, 2008

July Results

22 days of exercise. 20 days of logging food. Weight change TBD.