Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Peace at 158

Things are pretty much pulled together. My bags are packed and ready to go. I've/we've planned as much as we are going to. It appears the Irish are all on Holiday and do not respond to emails/requests to book lodging, so Bick and I may end up sleeping in the clown car a night or two. Oh well. We are determined to let this trip unfold as it may, with no real set schedule only some general hopes and wishes. Nothing like flying by the seat of your pants! My big hope is that we make it out of Newark on Friday. Looks like they will see a break in the weather on that day, so I am hopeful.

I fixed a big batch of Chinese stir-fry with beef last night - essentially a bid to empty out the vegetable crisper and not to have to cook again before our departure. This is the second time I've fixed this recipe - a technique really more than a recipe, it's here. Yummy! So it's leftovers for us until bon voyage.

I'm trying to keep the whole weight thing in perspective. I wish the scales were ten pounds less - 148 is my goal weight, but oh, well. I have decided to focus on the positives and say that I'm ten pounds less than I was when I returned from vacation this past July and five pounds under my mid-November weight. We'll see how I look after a week of "full Irish Breakfasts". My ass is, indeed, dynamite :-) That baby will EXPLODE!


Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Peace.

Roxie

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Holiday Spirit

I did a bit of shopping yesterday and today I'm listening to a book on tape and decorating the table a bit for the holidays. I love decorating the table - I don't really know why, but it's always my favorite part of any holiday. I did break down and buy a claret-colored tablecloth yesterday and today I'm wandering through the house looking for things to use that will make the tablescape festive. I get great pleasure out of using things I already have in new ways.

I've got some candles burning and am waiting for it to look warm enough outside to venture out. I don't know if that is going to happen. It's much too cozy inside. I've been doing housework and laundry and generally throwing stuff at my suitcase. Friday's departure will get here very soon.

Bick is having a wonderful time in Houston with Sandy and the rest of his family. I am hopeful that it will continue through the remainder of his trip.

I'm putting together a hostess basket to take to Pebbles' on Christmas Day and am having a blast with that. Oh, and I've got our gifts wrapped for the GrandBeasts, dogs and cats alike.

I wish you peace.

Love,

Roxie

Sunday, December 21, 2008

frageelaa: It must be Italian!

Bick has left Reata North for balmy Houston and I've just finished watching my seasonal favorite, A Christmas Story. Well, maybe not watching, but I had it on in the background while puttering around the house. I've been cleaning out junk draws and the like this morning. I'm waiting for it to warm up enough to wander out and do a bit of last minute shopping. But it doesn't look promising. I'd probably break down and make and eat some Christmas cookies, but luckily for me, I turned on the self-clean feature of the oven, so it's out of commission for the next few hours. This may be my new trick whenever I'm tempted!

We had a lovely day yesterday - I went to the gym for an hour workout on Saturday morning, came back and Bick and I headed off on errands. I wanted some new/spare readers and I'd lost my sunglasses last weekend. Bick needed a few things and we were able to get them and get home in a reasonable timeframe. Crowds weren't bad at all.

We had some work to do on the garden to get it ready for last night's cold snap and I harvested my first broccoli of the season. Yummy. Then we got ready to meet the Poolville Pagans in Fort Worth to see the this. Very good. Fun, fun evening with some of my favorite people in the world.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get clear.

-Roxie

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Home for the Holidays

I'm off on vacay beginning this morning. YAY! I am getting ready to go to the gym and spend some time on the elliptical, I think. I'm ready for a little sweat. I'd intended to get to the gym earlier in the week, but it was my crazy time at work, so I missed it. Better choices to come.

Bick is going to Houston for his family Christmas starting tomorrow. He'll be home sometime late on Tuesday so I have HOME ALONE time. Yee-haw! I hope to get back out to my favorite yoga studio for some yoga classes and spend some time at the Jesus Gym as well. Weather will be too cold for such a delicate flower as me (ha!) to be outside. Actually, I'm afraid of getting sick. My sinuses have been bothering me since the Half, when the wind was blowing so strong up from the south that god knows what it blew in from the remains of rotting trash post-Ike gulf coast.

I think it's important to note that even though I'm not as fit as I was two years ago, I still consider fitness to be an integral part of my lifestyle and I do miss it when I miss gym sessions. That's half the battle, right?

Pebbles has invited us over for brunch on Christmas day. She has also invited Guy's family and mine, although I don't think mine will show up. Pebbles has also requested a no gift policy, and I'm fine with that, as well. I'll take an extra nice hostess gift and be done with it. The rest of my shopping, I'll get done today.

My yoga studio is still unfinished. I've purchased two sets of curtains to try, but I've returned both of them. I may fight the crowds to see if there is something else out there. OH, and last night at a Christmas party, I found the color I should have painted the room. Dammit! It was a softer version of the first color scheme I had in mind. Always go with your first idea! Shoot.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Your first guess is your best guess.

-Roxie

Friday, December 19, 2008

Photo Finish

The pictures are in. I'm 13499.

Merry Christmas

Today is my last day at work and I've managed to nearly trash my home access in an attempt to secure my wireless network.

I will leave you with this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P37xPiRz1sg

Progress at 160?

I made a mistake yesterday. Actually, I made the mistake several months ago but it just came to light yesterday. I failed to be as dilligent as I should have been as I was concentrating on one part of the project and missed another. It came to light yesterday. I immediately fixed the problem, assessed the damage and told my boss what had happened. As usual he was great. What was unusual was how I feel/felt about it. I didn't freak out. I feel badly that it happened, but I'm not beating myself up over this. That's new for me. I always pick up whatever blunt object I can find and give myself a thorough chastising for whatever shortcoming I may have.

I don't know if this will last, but I'll take it.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Take it easy on yourself.

-Roxie

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Biggest Loser

A local woman won this year's The Biggest Loser reality TV show. I read the news story and then looked at the "where are they now" photos and follow-up stories on the msn website. Again, it was obvious to me that maintaining weight loss over a period of time is tough sledding. I believe only one or two of the people are at or below their finale weight. Just shows to go ya that even being plucked out of obscurity and thrust into the limelight with nothing else to do but drop the weight, the real, tough, unrewarding work of maintaing that weight loss is still ahead - without the ranch, without Bob, without Jillian and without accountability.

Weary Wednesday at 161

Finally! My body chose to let go of some water weight it had been holding on to since the Half on Sunday. I looked like a puffalump on Monday and Tuesday.

Today is my long, long dreaded day when grades are due and graduation processing takes place well into the night. After this, though, it's two more days of work, then vacation. Ireland, here I come!

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Smile, breathe, go slowly.

-Roxie

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Smile, Breathe, Go Slowly at 163.5

Office Christmas party luncheon was today. The food was much lighter than usual and I didn't care for the dessert, so I left it alone. Unfortunately, I purchased handmade English Toffee for everyone and I have one box left over. I need to find some random stranger to give it to. Or perhaps I'll take it home to Bick. At any rate, I need to get it out of my sight.

I haven't done anything other than stretches since the half on Sunday, but tomorrow I think I need to head back to the gym for a light workout.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Smile, Breathe, Go Slowly.

-Roxie

I heart Gatorade

Until Sunday, I'd never drank/liked Gatorade. But I discovered it can be the very nectar of the gods. It was a definite no-no to drink/eat something that you are not used to, but I did it anyway and it was deeevine in the middle of the race.

I am, however, going to need more practice drinking from a cup while moving. Looks like I'll have to get Bick to hand me Dixie Cups while I make laps around the house. Will the training ever end?

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Try new things.

-Roxie

Monday, December 15, 2008

I survived.

Many, many thanks to the fabulous Christine for inspiring, encouraging, mentoring and shepherding me through my first half. It was a wonderful experience for me, but C was hobbled by plantar fasciitis flare up. I don't know that if I were in her shoes that I would have been able to finish, but she soldiered on.

I'd participated in 5ks before, but nothing compared to the sheer magnitude of 16 or 17 thousand people. It's an amazing mass of humanity. As Christine pointed out, it was some amazing humanity as well. Just about every person there has a story and watching them cross the finish line was an emotional experience. These people ran/participated in this race as some sort of personal endeavor - a race for themselves, a race to honor someone, a race to raise funds for a cause bigger than themselves. To see the joy, tears, relief, sense of accomplishment that crossed the faces at the finish line was almost worth the price of admission.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Accept a challenge.

-Roxie

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Off and Running

er, make that walking. I've got a few more things to do and then I'm off to Dallas to join up with C for the half. I'm really excited, but hadn't planned at all for the gale force winds that we are getting today and will be getting tomorrow. Could make it interesting!

Ate too much junk yesterday. I've been felled by Christmas goodies at the office. Stupid Holiday Spirit.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Sew some bricks in your underbritches.

-Roxie

Friday, December 12, 2008

T minus 2 and counting

Two days until the half marathon. I hope I'm ready. I got an encouraging and informative email from Christine this morning and it ramped up my excitement about this. The weather is supposed to be warmish, but there is a possibility of rain and the winds are to be pretty strong.

I got through yesterday with Mom okay. We actually had a nice time, as those things go. I did fall down and bust my ass, but no apparent injury resulted from it, other than some wounded pride. Back to Mom, I spent some time meditating yesterday morning to quell the anxiety that I was feeling and then really tried to get my head wrapped around the fact that I had some control over the situation. I could control my response to anything that was said. I didn't have to escalate. I could choose to behave in a manner that wouldn't have us "off and running". I decided to follow Bick's example with Sandy from last weekend and steer clear of subjects/comments/questions that would lead us into troubled waters.

I need to always make sure that I honor other's boundaries as well. Sometimes that is hard for me to do, when you've lived most of your life without regard for them, mine or anyone else's.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. You control your own response.

-Roxie

Forgot to weigh this morning and I've already drank a cup of coffee. How stupid is that? I only weigh first thing in the morning.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Funeral at 161.5

I'm taking Mom to her brother's funeral today. This is a day I am not looking forward to for many, many reasons.

Pebbles jetted off to DC yesterday to visit her college friend, Bailey. She's to spend five days in our nation's capital and a bit of time chasing the Ace of Cakes through Baltimore. Pebbles plans to visit/drive by/stalk the bakery while in the area.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Let'em eat cake.

-Roxie

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Maintenance: Weightloss' Dirty Secret


There seems to be a groundswell of weight-loss bloggers in the same boat – those of us who have been successful at losing weight, only to run into difficulty when trying to maintain. Now Oprah has just said how embarrassed she is about regaining her weight. Boy, do I understand this. It feels like such a failure – thinking one has finally solved the problem to much acclaim only to have to “eat crow” when gaining the weight back. I almost feel like I need to go to people and give their support and compliments back to them. “Here, please take this back; turns out, I don’t deserve them”. It’s like having to return wedding presents if the union ends in divorce. Even if the statements were made in truth at the time, they become bricks in your backpacks as the weight comes back on.

Some say it’s hard to feel sorry for Oprah – she’s got the money, power and influence to structure her life just right. She’s got no excuses, but I say this only proves how difficult this really is. If she can’t do it, it just shows how damned difficult it is. If she feels like blowing off a taping session because she feels like a big, fat cow, imagine having to deal with that in front of millions of people who constantly look at and comment on her weight. I have the luxury of dealing with my demons in private.

This weight loss journey began ten years ago next week. I say THIS because this one has been different and more successful that the many attempts that preceded it. But the issue was always the same – I’ve always been good at taking off large amounts of weight; I’ve just never been particularly good at keeping it off. If I was, I’d have solved this problem in 1981 when I went on some 800 calorie a day deal, drinking two shakes and a tiny meal. I think I lost 53 pounds that time. I think there was another time I lost 50, one other time where I lost 40, another 50 +, all culminating in me weighing 257 in the fall of 1998.

I started this journey on December 17, 1998. My then-husband and daughter were away on a ski trip and I’d just heard about low carb eating from a friend of the ex’s. I decided to give it a try. Over the next six months, I lost 75 pounds. Over the next few years, I dropped another 20 pounds or so. By November of 2005, I’d lost 100 pounds and I’d just taken up running. By July 2006, I’d lost over 120 pounds. I’ve now gained back 24 pounds, which if that was all it is, I’d be okay enough with. But I’m afraid that it won’t be.

I feel like I’ve given back all those hard-fought losses - that I’m back in 2005, only instead of feeling happy that I weigh 162 pounds, I feel like a failure. Intellectually, I know it’s not true and I struggle to try to find a way to make the size of my ass not the bellweather on how my life goes. That would be stupid. Except that if I don’t make it all about my ass, devoting myself heart, soul and sweat to keeping it my number one priority, then it gets away from me. And that’s not right either. It’s finding the balance that’s difficult.

I don’t have the answers, obviously. But I will watch and try to learn from others. It’s great to be athletic and fit and strong. I could have never imagined ten years ago that I would be participating in a half-marathon, even if walking it. I’m nearly 50 years old and for the last few years, I’ve been in better shape than I was two decades ago. I’m hale and hearty and strong. That’s got to be enough.

Bewilderment at 162

Don't know what my body is doing but I know that I'm eating clean and getting exercise. I'll pull a Scarlett and worry about that tomorrow.

My Mom's oldest brother passed away so I'll be taking her to the funeral services tomorrow.

Not much else to add, other than it's cold out today but supposed to be 70 degrees on Sunday for the half marathon.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. If you can't think of the right thing to do, just sit and breathe.

-Roxie

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

More garden goodness

I love chard. Love it. It's my new favorite thing. Last night I fixed Braised Chicken with mushrooms and chard - the chard right from my winter garden. Yummy. And it's even better today for lunch.

I cannot believe how much my eating habits have changed over the last ten years. I would have never guessed that I would learn to like vegetables. Love them, in fact.

Personal Growth at 161

My first thought was why 161? Then I remembered that our breakfast at the office was a breakfast burrito affair that I participated in, rather than my clean-eating breakfast. Then I was gifted with some cookies, which I had three small cookies and then shared the rest. Um, no wonder 161. This was not the personal growth I was setting out to write about.

The personal growth that I wanted to note was the fact that I didn't jump in to try to pay for the whole scam fiasco. I can easily envision a time when I would have tried to make arrangements/deals to make this go away and to keep Mom from paying for it, as she "can't afford it". But I didn't do that. Even when pressured by the scammaster to do so. I didn't. I'm happy with that.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Find something to be happy about.

-Roxie

Monday, December 8, 2008

Monday at 160.5

There was no stress eating yesterday, but not enough drinking.

I finished painting the yoga/mediation room yesterday after spending the morning shopping at World Market for some cute stuff. I was using a gc that I'd received for my birthday back in October. It was the push I needed to get the thing done. Although I still need to do some touchups with an artist brush. Oh, and I need to purchase a new curtain rod as well. I'm hoping to put the room back together tonight. YAY.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Get motivated.

-Roxie

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Merry Christmas, Bick at 159.5

Umm, there may have been a little stress eating yesterday.

So Sandy came in from Chicago on Friday. Bick picked her up at the airport and brought her back to his office until one of her friends could come over and pick her up. She's expressed some interest in going to the big hotel in Grapevine for the whole company Christmas party thing. All the company tickets had been claimed, so I offered up my seat to allow Sandy to attend with Bick. I've already confessed my personal issues right here on this very blog.

Well, you could have blown me over with a feather. They had a marvelous time together. Sandy came in, ran through the house, calling for me, chattering about what a great time they had, how Bick had gotten pulled up on stage as a player in this murder-mystery thing, and had "stolen the show". She told me about the Norwegians - the company owners who happened to be in town - how Bick had invited them over to a after-dinner drink and music venue, and because the three of them had taken a cab to the dinner sight, piled them all in his, as he calls it, "Big Truck, Little Dick" pickup and led the group to hear some Texas music. The Norwegians loved it. Sandy was charmed and Bick was beaming.

Bick and I had talked about this evening before it happened, about managing expectations. He really wants a change in their relationship and is working hard to try to get them to some different place. So he said he was going into all interactions with her with the goal as to not to ask her about anything that would cause her to lie to him. So he didn't ask her anything about school. He decided to not ask her about much, really, just let her tell him what she wanted to and let the conversation go from there. That what he really wanted was some positive interaction between the two of them. To me, this realization is HUGE, just HUGE.

I fully expected her to back out. I would have bet money on it. And if she didn't back out, I expected their usual to and fro. It didn't happen. At the end of the night, her last words to him were "I had a great time. Thank you for taking me. I love you, Daddy". I've never heard her say that to him.

I know it won't always be rainbows and unicorns, but damn, it was nice to see, just this once.

And I agreed with Bick about not asking about school, but she told me that she was doing well. I hope that's true.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Life can surprise you.

-Roxie

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Crisis Averted

I went to the gym. I ran. I can breathe a bit easier.

Long story short. Mom, both by design, gullibility and ineptitude, got scammed by the itinerant assssphalllttters. She called me at work, I told her it was a scam. I checked out all the number, names, etc. none of it checked out. I told her this was one of the oldest scams on the books "just got some left over from a big job", blah blah blah. She told me it was 350 dollars. I said impossible, there's a catch. She did it anyway. They were such nice, honest men. "God has given her a discerning spirit" she says.

By the time I got out there, there was, according to the Scammaster, 5k worth of stuff on the driveway with another 3K to "finish the job". Holy shit. I blew a gasket and pitched the biggest, baddest, ugliest fit. It was not pretty. I told them to stop and not do another drop's work and get the hell off of my property. Mom is running around trying to give them money, telling ME that I'm stealing! And the money she's trying to give them? I think she got a check from my sister's IRA account and was trying to pay them off. She kept wanting them to finish the job.

I know that she misunderstood/was mislead because my sister brought home $500 in cash, in case it was "more", as Mom had requested.

She is still pretty much mad at me and in denial about this. I know that I could face some sort of legal issue, but I don't think they'll sue. I think they are glad to be not be in jail. I called the sheriff's office to file a report and they weren't particulary helpful, but since no money has changed hands, I think we are okay.

I've asked Mom (in front of my entire family - cousin Lisa, her husband the cop, my sister and my aunt) to not give them any money and do not be intimidated if they threaten to sue me. I have the "contract" that Scammaster tore up and threw at me, so I don't know what's going to happen with that, but my gut is that they won't want to face the light of day. Although they did call Mom yesterday morning to ask if she wanted to finish the job. My sister took that call. I told mom if they showed up, to go inside and call the sheriff. Not to talk to them.


I did ask her yesterday (again, in front of family) why she chose to believe a stranger that just walked up to her doorstep instead of me. She had no answer.

And Sandy arrived from Chicago last night and is taking my place at Bick's co dinner.

More later.

Smoking at 159

I quit smoking almost three years ago and after the initial month or so of crying, I've done well. No real cravings. Nothing. Until the last two days. I've wanted a cigarette with all my heart and soul. I didn't slip, but I can tell I need a run. Not a walk, but a run. I need to run to break this compound stress that makes it hard to breathe right now. There is so much pressure on my chest that I need to run in order to establish some space so that I can breathe. I need to sweat. So for better or worse, I'm heading to the gym for my taper exercise today and I'm running.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Stress will KILL you.

-Roxie

Friday, December 5, 2008

Hit the pavement, jack

Scam artist visits Reata South. Mom falls for it. Shitstorm ensues. I spent my morning talking with the Sheriff's office. I don't know how all this will end up, but it's a helluva mess right now.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Joys of Gardening at 159.5

Bick and I dismantled our row-covering system last night in preparation for our first freeze that came with lots of wind. Our system of mini-greenhouses works really well, unless the wind gets up over thirty miles an hour, then things get ripped to shit. So we removed the "ribs" and just put the covering down low. The ribs will go back in as soon as the wind lays down some.

I have never grown nor cooked chard, so I don't really know how cold hardy it is, so I decided to harvest a batch of it last night for dinner. It may be my favorite green ever. I fixed it the Italian way, according to the recipe - sauteed with some garlic, onion, a little white wine and lemon juice. I served it with tomato slices on top, all topped with freshly grated, good parmesan. Yummy doesn't begin to cover it! Chard will definitely go into next years' winter garden. It's a keeper.

We are having trouble pulling together our itinerary for our trip. There's just too much to see and too little time, so we will need to edit judiciously. Bick had the bright idea of watching travelogs on TV, so we loaded up our Netflix queue. We ate dinner last night in front of the TV watching and it didn't do a damn thing to cut things off our list - it just added stuff. I don't know how we are going to get this done. I want to head straight west and spend more time just milling around there. That is, until I saw what the southern coast had to offer. Oh well. We need to decide soon. Since it's off season and a lot of places are closed for the season, we feel like we need to make our reservations early. We are scheduled to sit down Sunday and start that process. We'll see. 12 more working days until Christmas vacation. Yippee!

Update on my coke habit: I've had one a day since starting to wean off. Usually it's the one I get at the drive thru with my Jack in the Box grilled chicken strips. I hate the thought of making two stops, one to get a Diet Lipton Green Tea, but I could stop at the corner store on campus on my way out to the parking lot and pick up on there. Hmm, that's a thought. All I know is that the on-the-way-home-via-long-commute stop for protein allows me not to chew of Bick's arm when I walk in the door. I can then cook and eat a reasonable dinner. It's working for me. Even with the Diet Coke :-)

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Out with the old and in with the new.

-Roxie

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Catastrophizing at 161

Sandy is coming into town this week/weekend and I certainly have mixed feelings about it. Bick is making plans to take her with us to his office fancy dinner out and I'm making plans to have an awful time. I hate it that their relationship is what it is. I hate it for both of them. I think they are locked into some way of dealing with each other that does neither of them any good. I haven't figured out if she is trying to punish him or just wants him the hell out of her life. If she knows, I wish she'd tell him, whatever it may be.

I feel sorry for him when he talks to me about wanting her to just hang around our house like Pebbles did last week. And yet I don't like him when he's around Sandy. He changes. He tries too hard and then he gets disappointed and then things get worse. I've asked to opt out of the dinner event, without really saying why. I'm not really ready to accept how I feel about her right now, as I haven't really gotten to the bottom of it for me. He wants me there, says I serve as a buffer. I feel more like a referee watching the lob and volley and the sullen and the passive-aggression that takes place. They need professional intervention and I am unqualified to fill that role. So for now, I will just try to "first do no harm" as I come to terms with what is the right thing for me to do here.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Don't crawl on every roller coaster that passes by.

-Roxie

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Another Gym Ambush


While trudging away on the elliptical of doom, I was watching MSNBC. They ran a story about The Idaho Spud candybar. My nostalgic favorite candybar. Made my mouth water. Damn television.

Everything but the Kitchen Sink

We decided to get a living tree for Christmas - a real evergreen tree, in a pot, that can be planted after the holiday season. So off we went on Black Friday to look for said tree. We found one at our favorite local nursery in Denton. Before leaving, Bick had to use the facilities and came out and said to the associate "I'd give my left arm for a sink like the one in the men's room". The guy said "I've got one outback."

Horsetrading ensued and Bick is now the proud owner of a 40's area pedestal sink. And before you think "How would Roxie store all her dental items of torture with a pedestal sink?" know that Bick has no intention of placing this sink in the inside of the house. Nope, it's going in the out of doors as a complement to the fish pond nee clawfoot bathtub.

It won't be going in the same area as the bathtub because god forbid someone might think we had an outdoor bathroom theme going on around here. Nope, it will go in the new herb bed that will be created in the spring as the last step in the "must have new car pavilion and everything else must be moved" renovation.

In the meantime, I'm setting that sucker up in the front bed and planting it full of blue pansies.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Bloom where you're planted.

-Roxie

Great Day in the Morning

A couple of things happened yesterday that really pleased me, down to my core.

First, I had an email from Mom regarding something work that her current renters are doing to the house in WA, along with their bill. The email contained pictures of the projects, etc and she specifically asked for my opinion. I wasn't happy with the quality of some of the work, nor with the choices of things that were worked on as I felt they didn't benefit Mom or us - they were things the renter's wanted and Mom was footing the tab. Anyway, I was sitting there trying to decide on an appropriate response. How would an ethical, responsible person behave? What were my boundaries here? I was trying to fashion an email response when the phone rang. It was Mom, asking if I'd received her email and what did I think.

I took the opportunity to say what I was feeling, that situations like this were very frustrating for me. She would ask my opinion before taking on something in WA and I would give her my take on it. She would do whatever she wanted anyway and then ask for my opinion on the results. And if I still disagreed, she would attack me personally. I told her this was a no win for me and that I was tired of being attacked personally on giving what I considered was a business opinion. And I told her that I viewed all decisions in WA from a business perspective - what would ultimately do her/the place/property values good and that I was tired of being cast in the role of badgirl because I was thinking of HER bottom line. She said she understood. Whether she did or not, I don't know, but she didn't attack right back, which is her usual MO. We went on to have a meaningful discussion about the property and her management of it and I consider it significant progress. I don't expect anything to change about the way she does business, but no retaliatory attacks is a good thing. I asked for my boundaries to be respected and yesterday, at least, they were.

Second little thingy - I don't need bifocals! I went to the eye doctor fully expecting to join Bick in the bifocal brigade, but the doc said readers were just fine for me. 2.25 readers, but readers nonetheless.

Third, and perhaps most important, Pebbles seems to be feeling better. She's been really, really down lately - while not perhaps a full-blown bout of clinical depression, pretty close to it. I'm finally beginning to hear a little hope in her. And yes, I've been counseling her to seek professional intervention and I hope she does. She's started blogging (journaling), getting a little exercise and is looking at going gluten-free for a while. I hope these changes, along with some professional help, keep her from the abyss. Bless her heart, she is her mother's daughter sometimes.

I drank one diet coke yesterday. I hope to do better today. I weigh 161.5 this morning.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Ask for what you want.

-Roxie

Monday, December 1, 2008

Eat up with the dumbass

Sometimes it's a wonder I can find my way home. Somehow, I'd forgot that tea has caffeine. Seriously, forgotten. So last night, while I was tossing and turning and twisting and spinning and making my hair look just like Ed Grimley's, I remembered. Dumbass. I pretty much made the switch to caffeine-free sodas a couple of years ago and overall, my sleeping has been much better. But not last night. Worst night I've had in a while.

Oh and let's just put this little tidbit out there, too. I weigh 163.5 pounds this morning. How the hell did that happen? Again my weight has crept up past the hundred-pounds-lost number that I USED to think was my upper limit. Time to get that in check. Heh, and I thought I had a moderate, reasonable Thanksgiving. Hell, I gave AWAY pies. Oh well, just need to be a little more vigilant. Maintaining weight is, for me, 80 percent diet and 20 percent exercise. I'm getting the exercise part pretty good - or as much as I'm willing to do, so I need to tweak the eating a bit more going into the holiday season.

Take good care of yourself. Be kind to others. Accept the things that are.

-Roxie